So Mrs. McKinney, tell me again what you saw come out of the Loch?I was out in ‘me garden harvesting four leaf clovers, potatoes, and other stereotypical Irish things, when suddenly I hears’ a strange noise a’ comin’ from the Loch. I lifted 'me head and strained ‘me eyes to see. At first, I couldn’t tell what ‘twas, but then at once I recognized what I ‘twas lookin’ at. ‘Twas as clear as a mcgubbin ninny on the cuthatch saire.
What was it? A monster?
Of course not, you idiot! ‘Twas a glimmering, beautiful pearl necklace!
A pearl necklace? That’s what your amazing discovery is?
Of course 'tis! It wasn’t just any pearl necklace, with it’s classy, timeless style and it’s regal sensibilities, but it was also 85% off! You just don’t find deals like that every day.
I guess not. You said you had a picture of it?
Yes, here it is.
This is a picture of a monster coming out of the Loch.
No, don't look at the monster. Look at what the monster is wearing. See the pearls?
You’re telling me that a giant monster comes out of the Loch, and the thing you find most shocking is that it’s wearing a pearl necklace.
That’s 85% off. Deal of the day price.
I think people would find the monster more interesting.
What, ol’ Nessie? She’s been in the Loch for years and comes out all the time. That’s old news. And trust me, there’s nothing interesting about 'er. We invited 'er to the village Christmas party last year and she bored us all to death with her dull stories. And then she left without even trying my famous potato salad. Trust me, the story you’re lookin’ for is the pearl necklace, not some shy, socially awkward dinosaur.
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