New York City, NY- Two civilians are in critical condition tonight after spontaneously bursting into flames at a casual party in the Upper East Side. The cause of the combustion is still under investigation, but according to witnesses, the two civilians, both male, got too close to a beautiful woman at the party and upon attempting a flirtatious interaction, instantly caught on fire. According to witnesses, the woman appeared “too hot to handle” and everyone agreed that it likely happened because the two males were not “ready for this jelly.”“It was awful,” said local party-goer John Brewer. “I mean, she looked hot, with that cute dress and that Skagen Glitz watch she had on. But I had no idea that dancing with her would end with those guys on fire and their faces melted off.”
“At first I was really jealous,” said Samantha Jones, local catty-girl that no one really likes. “She looked all hot with her sparkly, copper-accented watch. I was all like, I hate her. But then when the two guys who were flirting with her exploded into a fiery ball of flame and dust, then I was SUPER jealous. I wish men had that kind of reaction around me.”
Whether the woman’s hotness was to the extreme point that she caused the two males to incur the wrath of the gods and turn into pillars of brimstone and sulfur, or whether they had a pre-existing condition that caused it, is still just speculation. But Dr. Peter Ukhammer, credible-looking scientist, has his own theory. “I believe that it was likely caused because the woman in question was wearing a chronograph, hypo-allergenic nickel, Japanese Quartz luxury watch from Skagen that she bought for 68% below retail value. That’s so hot, just thinking about it gives me a nose bleed,” Dr. Ukhammer said, wiping his nose with a girly hanky.
At press time, the woman was being held by police but her release was planned after her prison holding cell melted into a glowing pool of magma.
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SPECIFICATIONS
Style: Accentuate your stylish wardrobe with the gorgeous design of a casual watch
Brand: Skagen
Gender: Ladies
Manufacturer Item: SK745SSXR
Collection: Sport and Glitz
Movement: Japanese quartz
Power: Battery
Case Material: Stainless steel
Case Shape: Round
Case Diameter: 33.2mm
Case Thickness: 8 mm
Dial Color: White
Dial Markers: Genuine Swarovski crystals
Dial Type: Analog
Sub Dials: Day, date, and 24-hour subdials with mother of pearl and rosetone detailing
Hands: Luminous rosetone stick hands
Calendar: Date display at 3 position, day display at 9 position
Crystal: Hardened mineral
Crown: Push/pull crown with Skagen logo
Band Type: Stainless steel link bracelet with mesh-textured polished center and brushed edging
Band Length: Ladies standard
Band Width: 18.5mm wide, 3.1mm thick
Clasp Type: Push-button deployment clasp with embossed Skagen Denmark logo
Emblem: Skagen Denmark logo at 12 o'clock
Water Resistance: 165ft / 50m / 5ATM
Misc Information: Sparkling genuine Swarovski crystals decorate the the women's elegant timepiece
Warranty: 2-Year JomaDeals Warranty
ABOUT BRAND
In the heart of Scandinavia, where the northern-most tip of the Danish peninsula known as Jutland bends East and breaks the surging waters of the Kattegat and Skagerak seas, lies a small and picturesque fishing village. Its name is Skagen - the Skaw - and for connoisseurs of Northern Europe it is associated with a unique charm that is the result of the fusion of nature-given and man-made romanticism.
At Skagen the elements can rage and reduce mankind to mere extras in a veritable power struggle between the sky and the sea. Here, time stands still, all sounds vanish, and nature is so compellingly beautiful that it takes your breath away. Here the perfect purity and beauty explain where Danish design found its unique qualities, and where the international company Skagen Designs found its name.
In 1989, Henrik and Charlotte Jorst came to the United States from their native Denmark to follow a dream: that of owning and running their own business, to introduce the Danish lifestyle and philosophy into the lives of many. Skagen Designs was founded by these two natives of Copenhagen on the principle that beautifully designed high-quality objects can be created at reasonable prices.
The Skagen Denmark Collections reflect owners Charlotte and Henrik Jorst's creative Danish spirit with clean, elegant designs, skillful craftsmanship and technical perfection. The Jorsts have a hand in designing each piece of the Skagen Collection, from watches to jewelry to sunglasses. Our mission is to create a global community of enthusiasts with our commitment to designing an impressive and unique yet attainable product.
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